What it all means

What it is to be a senior.
I have waited all year to feel what it feels like to be a senior.
That blissful, carefree, wonderment of seniority.
It was a throne I waited to inherit, to achieve for myself.
But I never considered what it really is...
Its that oh shit moment.
Its that, wow, this is all really happening. And I'm here, but really I'm gone.
What it feels like to be a senior is finally realizing that you will never feel like a senior.
But a kid who has been slapped in the face with The Future.
The Future you've been planning, but will never be prepared for.
Its such a blur...
Until it all stands still
That perfect picture of everything that was and is
Everything you had, and everything you missed
The stars of the monuments of your life align, and the future is clear
Your fortune is yours, as is your past...
All the power you had and should have used in the past
Is yours and multiplied for your future.
Its a sad stillness, seeing the whale leap and plunge for breath, for life, for joy
The cycle of life is so clear there,
So its the same as that.
After the walk that seems like forever,
The journey that is four years plus two and a half hours and thirty-eight Nguens
All comes to a standstill
The thousands of hats fly in a rain of blue Balfour
And your heart flies with them, a stage in the cycle of life
And it sinks, as it will, in some near future
But what does it matter?
Because its a perfect moment,
the world stops
You are there
They are there with you, watching, experiencing
Knowing what you feel
Your hearts fly together in a picture shot by Daniel Wang
You cry, you smile, you hold your friends like you never did the years
And suddenly, without warning,
Its all full speed again.



my face on the cover...
http://danielwangphotography.com/

Commencement

Its insane. All these things I never saw happening...
Walking away from a person... forever.
Throwing a cap up in the air...
Writing a song...
New friends, old friends... Such bad timing, we should have started this forever ago.
I can't think or speak.
I'm graduating next Thursday, and its weird.

Wow

The bittersweet emotions
Music in my mind
Magically jump to paper
I am amazed, but still heartaching.
What I would give to tell them to someone
to play the music I slaved over.
But yet I am tired of looking at what I can't have.
Great musicians, sexy and sweet. Strong? Who knows.
But either way, not for me.
Is anyone for me?

Please, pretty

I have nothing to say.
That's how it starts. And then the flow rushes in.
If I could only be a rock at the bottom of a brook,
to be forever cleansed until sand.
Its not empty.
Its just thirsty.
What the hell am I looking for?
Its the law of love, the perpetually watched pot.
That will never boil. That will never love. You cannot find what you are looking for.
We are friends. Yes, I like that. I can be cool with that. As long as we find someone else to fill the void, quickly.
Ugh its so sick, all of my thinking.
I hate thinking you are sweet. I can have sweet friends!
What do I need what do I need what do I need?
I need it. That, whatever it is. Need. Fill need, please.
Robot need filler? Please, pretty.