Right now, its just me. I kind of like it, but mostly, it sucks. I want to be with a large group of great friends. But due to some recent scourging, I don't have very many friends anymore. Not people I can rely on, anyhow. People I can talk to at school, sure. But no one I can call. Thank God for texting, right? So then I can talk to someone with a totally casual (invisible) face, without revealing the God's honest truth: I need you so much right now. How awfully lonely. I feel like my day is Lost in Translation on loop. They see me and hear me, but don't know or understand me.
Furthermore, I'm sorry to all the people I text when I need to desperately. I rarely talk to those people, I feel fine without them most of the time, I have little to say, or I just don't care. What if they need me desperately all the time? And I just use them when I need them. Ugh, its so awful. All of it.
If only there was a balanced economy of relationships. A perfect competition of dependency and independency. I need you, you need me, you need space, I need sun. Wouldn't it be nicer? Simpler, at least.
And if we all spoke the same language- pure feelings or logic, badinage lost to the tides of time. We could speak to each other, to the heart of the matter, letting nothing stand in the way of perfect communication and, thus, understanding. It would be worth it, I think. Art would be lost, beautiful expression lost. But almost worth it, just to really speak to one another.
I'm tired of expressing myself. I just want someone to talk to.
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